If it wasn’t for our kids, my husband and I wouldn’t be married | Dear Mariella

If you want me to tell you to leave, you’ve written to the wrong agony aunt, says Mariella Frostrup

The dilemma I’ve been married for 18 years and the last three have been difficult. My interests differ very much from my husband’s. I want to be surrounded by people who understand me better. I have developed friendships where I feel I can be more myself. Our sex life would probably be described as good– varied, interesting, fulfilling for him. But I don’t feel any connection sexually and emotionally with him. I feel if it wasn’t for the kids we would no longer be together. But having split up before, I don’t want to break his heart. Also there is the further challenge of my mental health and wellbeing. Having been on medication for anxiety and depression for seven years, I recently stopped completely. Finally, and this has no impact on the decision affecting my marriage, I have a close friendship where strong feelings have developed. We are not having an affair, but I know how I feel and this confirms that my marriage is on very rocky ground.

Mariella replies It certainly sounds like it. It’s no mean achievement to compromise your myriad and individual personal needs in pursuit of family harmony. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t reach a point where you wondered whether there isn’t something or someone beyond the horizon, or closer by, who would make the next phase of your life more exciting and inspiring. You describe your deeper connections with friends – one of the great benefits of maturity and compensation for occasionally threadbare conversations with your partner. I won’t try to convince you that staying together at all costs is the answer, but if you’re looking for carte blanche to pack his bags you’ve written to the wrong agony aunt.

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from The Guardian https://ift.tt/2yePEGZ