Why am I so furious about teeth? They are deeply socially divisive | Emma Beddington

The gap between those who can or can’t afford a dentist is widening. There is a three-year wait for NHS appointments – while the market for whitening and tweakments booms

One thing that must surely unite everyone who believes in a creator figure of any variety is an acceptance that she/he/they/it messed up big time when it comes to human teeth, an abysmal piece of design by any standard.

Teeth make me furious. First, we get a set that are mysteriously unfit for purpose – unless their purpose is to look nightmarish on X-rays, and cause youthful heartbreak when the last-minute panicky parental scramble for the Tooth Fairy’s pound coins fails, in which case, great job. Once these have been grossly ejected and left in a drawer (or worse, creepily stored in a keepsake box, shaped like an infant’s head – yes, this exists) we get new, worse ones. Wisdom teeth no longer fit in most jaws, requiring expensive, painful removal: a dentist who extracted one of mine said it was equivalent to having your little toe amputated. Poorly adapted to our diet (our food is too soft, apparently), the rest remain a source of anxiety, shame and expense until they all fall out and have to be replaced with pretend ones, or you die.

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